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Destiny

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avatar Destiny
February 06, 2011 04:33PM
avatar Re: Destiny
February 06, 2011 10:35PM
Here's why:

Douglas Adams:
Forty-Two

Marcus Antonius:
The evil that chickens do lives after them, the good is
oft interred with their bones.

Any Philosophy 101 Professor:
Why not?

Any Calculus Professor:
The road, if expressed in the form (y2-y1)/(x2-x1)
is approximate for cases where lim(y2-y1)/(x2-x1) as (x2-x1) -> 0, is
represented by the derivative, or rate of change, of the road with
respect to the chicken, such that the value of the chicken may be
assumed equal to the value of (y2-y1)/(x2-x1), for small values of
roads.

Jane Austen:
Because it is a truth universally acknowledged that a
single chicken, being posessed of a good fortune and
presented with a good road, must be desirous of crossing.

Aristotle:
To actualize its potential.

Baldrick:
It had a cunning plan.

Albert Camus:
Seeing that an indifferent world lied on all sides of the road, the
chicken knew it would be absurd not too cross, and for that moment, the
chicken knew what it was to really be alive. It was if the bird had been
asleep its entirely up until this choice was put before him. So, with a
newfound determination and a smile, the chicken valiently crossed the
road only to be put out of its mercy by an eighteen wheeler.

Noam Chomsky:
To manufacture consent

Bill Clinton:
The chicken was persuaded to cross the road by the
Democratic congress. It is now returning to the
middle of the road

John Constantine:
Because it'd made a bollocks of things over on this side
of the road and figured it'd better get out right quick.

Howard Cosell:
It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic,
unprecendented avian biped with the temerity to attempt
such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo
sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Salvador Dali:
The Fish.

W. Edwards Demming:
But is one chicken crossing one road of statistical importance?
Only once we have established an historical baseline of chickens
with respect to roads, with calculated upper and lower control
limits, can we make that determination.

Rene Descartes:
The chicken was merely a machine and was crossing due to the
deterministic nature of the universe.

Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road
crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Sigmund Freud:
The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted
the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a
phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.

Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.

Hippocrates:
Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.

David Hume:
Out of custom and habit.

Carl Jung:
The confluence of events in the cultural gesalt necessitated
that individual chickens cross roads at this historical
juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such
occurences into being.

Franz Kafka:
Dieter, now in the form of a chicken, was running from the
government's torture machine. The machine, an instrument of death,
slowly obliterated the souls of its victims. Dieter was alone.
He was running for his life, his insignificant life.

Immanuel Kant:
The pure transcendental concept of the road, having been deduced a
priori and without dependence on intuitions, is given in the mode of
the chicken as an end in itself, while crossing the road as a
hypothetical imperative, namely, as acting towards some end allowed by
Reason.

Jack Kerouac:
The chicken hipster, high on tea and the soul groves of Charlie (the
bird) Parker, strolled aimlessly on the road looking for his dharma.

Martin Luther King:
It had a dream.

James Tiberius Kirk:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Timothy Leary:
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.

Gottfried Von Leibniz:
In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.

Vladimir Lenin:
It is not the chicken's road. It is the PEOPLE'S road!

H.P. Lovecraft:
To futilely attempt escape from the dark powers which even then pursued
it, hungering after the stuff of its soul!

Machiavelli:
So that its subjects will view it with admiration,
as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly
cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them
has the strength to contend with such a paragon of
avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's
dominion maintained.

Karl Marx:
It was a historical inevitability.

Groucho Marx:
Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an
uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost
divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

Dr. McCoy:
How should I know? Damnit Jim, I'm a Doctor not an ornithologist!

Marshall McLuhan:
The Road is the Medium.
The chicken is the Message!

Ralph Nader:
A chicken on a road is unsafe at any speed

Sir Isaac Newton:
Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion
tend to cross the road.

Nietzsche:
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.

Wolfgang Pauli:
There already was a chicken on the other side of the
road.

Frank Perdue:
How the heck do I know? Do I look like a chicken to
you -- don't answer that.

Plato:
For the greater good.

Jean-Paul Sartre:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the
chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

B.F. Skinner:
Because the external influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such
a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while
believing these actions to be of its own free
will.

Mr. Spock:
It was not logical for the chicken to do so, but
I have frequently observed that the behaviour of chickens
is not logical

Socrates:
To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.

Henry David Thoreau:
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.

Ludwig Wittgenstein:
The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the
objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances
came into being which caused the
actualization of this potential occurrence.


Mr. Worf:
I do not know, Klingon chickens do NOT cross the road.

Source: http://www.babinszki.com/chickenjokes.html
avatar Re: Destiny - Addendum
February 06, 2011 11:32PM
NASCAR:

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